Last week during the bike ride I would occasionally wail "I'm not having fun." It was a wail comprised of near crying and absolute fear. The precise moment I was yelling, I was really, really upset. However, it would have been true at basically any moment during the ride. Taken in the gestalt I was not having fun on the bike.
Today, there were moments when it was truly fun when I was happy to be riding. There were even a few times where I wasn't afraid to go fast - not as fast as I can go, but faster than I would have allowed myself to go even a few days ago.
There were a few rough patches - I had to ride in a bit of an enclosed area and that gave me a panic. Also, after going down Torrey Pines hill and some other hills without too much trouble, a teeny tiny hill at the end of the ride was really tough for me. Traffic blocked my chi a few times.
On Wednesday, I rode with my mentor on Fiesta Island and I think it helped me a great deal. I felt much more in control of the bike today. I was able to relax my arms and shoulders instead of being incredibly stiff. Forty miles on the bike and my arms are the most tired part of me, but I feel as though I made a lot of improvement this week.